Poetry Contest #1

[Prof]

Threads

Your beautiful maroon coat with your symmetric lines,
fading under my feet while I recite divine lines.

The mark on you is clear, by my soles.
Have I left as clear as a mark on my soul?

And you were there with me, supporting me all night,
while I prayed, I wept, I asked for things to be right,

Some may question you,
saying you are merely made up of threads.
What do they say of morning dew?
Is that just water on grass reflecting the sun's reds?

You are my glorious memories, my faithful friend,
and it saddens me that you are nearing your end,
but I guess they are right, that you are just threads,
and like my first jilbab, retired to use as my sweats.

I love you, dear rug, but what matters is what I used you for,
so I ask Allah to accept my prayers, and enter me into heaven's door.

[Prof]

The Prophets, and Sahabah, as-Saaliheen,
They died for the Deen,
Persecuted for the Deen,
They made themselves clean,
From their sins, this ain’t no dream,
We livin’ in the Dunya, it’s all bling bling,
A test for Mankind, all to decide,
Jannah or Jahannam. Which will you find?
It all depends on that really Big Crime,
Shirk or Kufr? Then you’ll do the time,

Shukr to Allah and Allah alone,
We call you to Obedience of Allah alone,
Worship to Allah and Allah alone,

When you wake up from your blindedness,
Just give me a call on the telephone,
Ask me, and I’ll point out your faultiness,
24/7, and I’m always home,
You won’t make a three,
On the Day of Recompense,
Even if you were Eddie Jones,
Your B-Ball skills won’t help you score,
It’s all about Eemaan and God-conscienceness,
Which is in your heart so conveniently stored,

[Prof]

Every nation has a time,
When they’ll certainly find,
A conflict with the other side,
So the two nations collide,

The war doesn’t start with swords sharpened,
But rather, with words hardened,
Listen carefully and you might just find,
What the war of civilizations is behind,

In this war of words,
People fight for creed,
Values, ideals, ways of life,
Every nation, superiority is what they gripe,

Which is right? You reflect too
Oh, but wait, you also, are subject to
Just using your own ‘conscience’ to decide,
What is ‘wrong’ and what is ‘right’,

Which will probably strife,
With somebody’s else’s way of life,
And creed, like mine, and my kind,

So I guess it’s inevitable,
So bring it on, you and your people,
Versus me and mine,
Your way of life against ours,

The time for words has ceased,
And the swords have been unsheathed,
To speak for the nations,
Instead of spokespersons,

When the blades ram and slam,
They’re speaking for the nations,
With sparks from swords,
Instead of from words,

The swords strike “POW!”
Sparking above the beats,
Of the cannons of heat,
So I ask you now:
Do you hear the guns speak?

[Prof]

If heaven was a mile away
Would you pack up your bags
And leave this world behind
Or be distracted by you
If heaven was a mile away
Would fill up the tank
Be out the front door in a flash
Before we consider it
The whispers from you
Makes us do the things we do
It tares my heart in two
I don’t want to go to hell with you
If heaven was a mile away
And you could ride by the gates
Would you try to run inside when it opens
Would you try to die today
Would you pray louder
Finally believe in his power
Even if you couldn’t see him
You could feel him
Would you still doubt him
How would you start acting
Would you stop sinning
Look every sin you did in the street
You can see now
Would you change your ways
If you knew on your own two feet he could just stroll in

[Prof]

if i had to live a day in ur head
i wouldnt see what u think i would see

u think i would see jagged glass on floor
tipped with blood of the people who have been thru ur life
and walked in bare feet with no protection
and no one is an exception

i think i would see a fierce gaurd
samurai warrior with a scarily painted face
jealously protecting the beautiful garden
untouched landscape criminally kept away

u think i would see a thousand knives
held by a thousand brutus'
with a thousand mirrors
and a thousand cries...'et tu brutus?!'

i think i would see a lonely snow tiger
powerful and beautiful, alone and melancholy
it roars its lament looking into the river
wondering when the reflection will reply

[Prof]

I always said I was going to change
Not sure if its clear fo everyone to see
This world we’re livin in doesn’t take prisoners
Just casualties
Makes you blind to your misdeeds
I wanna see everyone around me change
Even the disbelievers I know
But this world is the live they’ve been searching for
Started believing I was a failure
My life has never been the same
With the knowledge came a different status
That’s when things changed
Became concerned with the things around me
No longer blinded by all the pretty things I see
Now I don’t wanna be a trouble maker
I only wanna spread the deen
Giving advice that’s clearly right
Can only make me feel so right
This truth has taken over my life
For all the times I was in a position where I should have left
I turn to the right path for forgiveness
Shaiton you can’t burn down my bridges
I’ve got places to go
I learned from different situations
Now I walk To the only one who knows the way

[Prof]

This rainy night, as the drops gather
into a puddle of water, clear as crystal
reminds me of your beautiful face
wish you had stayed a little longer

your smile like the smiling of the sun
your eyes as deep as a calm sea
carrying the pain of this nation
wish you had stayed a little longer

They drove you out of your beloved land
hurt you till your slippers drenched in blood
but you wept for their ignorance
wish you had stayed a little longer

She spoke ill of you while you carried her weight
she emptied her garbage on you
but you visited her when she fell sick
wish you had stayed a little longer

You clothed them with love,
stayed up at nights, invoking your Lord
for our guidance and our firmness
wish you had stayed a little longer

But the trees surrendered into tears
the stones gushed with grief
hearts torn with your departure
wish you had stayed a little longer

Wish you had stayed just a little longer
guided us with your love for God
helped us through our journeys
i wish, just wish you were here

The gentle words that you spoke to me
like a soft drizzle of rain on the skin
untangling my life, a secret, mine and yours
wish you had stayed, stayed forever..

[Prof]

No,i dont wanna write a poem,
i dont have time to,
and neither do i wanna win,
but you,you,you,
you forcing me.

You go zooming down .........(a roads name),
with full blast music,
thinking you look really cool,
but do you know something,
you look nothing less than a fool,
yes,yes a fool,
no no you didnt mis-hear me!

You expect me to look up,
everytime you drive down,
'hey look at that guy
aint he cool and fit man'
thats what you expect,dont you?
Well you in for a big one.

i dont even look up,
forget look at your so called 'handsome' face,
how can i look up?
wen looking at you makes me puke,
youve distorted your face to total ugliness,
wheres the beuatiful beard yaa akhee?
Doesnt your heart want to follow the prophet?
Hey,where are you?
Which world do you live in?
Have you already forgot what real beuaty is?

How do you expect me to admire you?
To adore you?
To love you?
When you dont even love my beloved.

Huh, you think loud music will grab my attention,
oh sometimes you think,
hey is she deaf or what?
no im not deaf,
but do you know something,
you wanna know something?
Why i dont hear you,
because it doesnt reach my heart,
akhee wheres sanakhoodhu and labayka islam?
Are you not the decendant of mus3ab and 3umayr?
Akhee which world are you living in?

If you want me,
really really want me,
to adore you,
to love you,
to look up to you,
then youll have to stop acting like a fool!

I love someone who loves my beloved
so next time you zoom down
you know why i dont even flinch!

[Prof]

Like a mountain you stood bold
Like a rose you bloomed
like a lamp you shone
but you crumbled
and withered
and faded
shattered
was it the rain
or the bolt of thunder
was it echoes of mistrust,
moments of solitude & pain
or the silence that walled up inside

confined
to strayed memories
and hemmed with the past
those fragments of innocence
were dusted with the dust of deceit
now dusted with the dust of deceit
the coldness of empty hearts
its past now, its passed
hush now, go to sleep
its come to pass
its passed

[Prof]

I implore you all to read each poem carefully before voting. Please keep your comments on topic. The poll ends in 5 days.

[farhan247]

Poem 8 :thumbsup:

[bismillah]

I can't chose just one... :( ...so I won't vote. But my favourite are:



Do you hear the guns speak?
If I had to live a day in your head
Wish you had stayed a lil bit longer
Mountain

[alqudslenna]

assalam alaikum,
I liked, "Wish you had stayed a little longer" the others are good too, it was a bit hard to choose.

[Shajaa3ah]

People should have submitted their poems with good spelling. I didn't vote for my number 1 because of the spelling.

[Mujaheedah_18]

Wonderful poems:thumbsup: . Hard decision:huh: .

[Rose15]

Yaaaaaaay my poem has been included

i cant really pick one

they all suck

so if some1 asks for a vote

then ill vote for them

shamz wherez urs?

[Rose15]

cud u show who voted for what

i wanna no

[caramel]

Clue: Only one person voted for Shamz's poem.

[Rose15]

ok 8 was funny, but this aint no clown contest

so i vote for 9

coz its in a shape of a mountain

i like the way its set

i wonders whoz it is

hmmmmmmm..........thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking!!

[Abu MishMish]

Just tell us the authors, it's easier that way.

Which one did Ibn El-Sheikh write? I'll blindly vote for it

[alqudslenna]

Yaaaaaaay my poem has been included

i cant really pick one

they all suck

so if some1 asks for a vote

then ill vote for them

shamz wherez urs?

assalam alaikum,
I have a feeling #6 is Shamz....don't know why:huh: , I guess the way it sounds.

[farhan247]

The order of the poems have changed, the one I voted for is poem 9 now (mountain)

[jondallah]

assalamau3alaikum.
prof....looks like i is late...but is ther any chance i can add a poem?...my brother wrote it.
Allahibarekfeek.

[Editor]

assalamau3alaikum.
prof....looks like i is late...but is ther any chance i can add a poem?...my brother wrote it.
Allahibarekfeek.

wa 'alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

There are plans for further contest(s) insha Allah. So watch this space.

[jondallah]

ok inshallah.
barakallahufeek.

[Ibn El-Sheikh]

I think prof is disheartened by the lack of interest in this contest, so though it may be better judgement to refrain, I will do what I always do and ignore better judgement.

My critique:



Threads: It seems like a repurposed poem...especially the last couple of lines which are inorganic to the entire poem. Still, you'd think the symbolism would grow on me. But it didn't.
The deen: This looks like something MYNA raps would sing. FYI, MYNA raps sucks.
Do you hear the guns speak: I actually enjoyed this one. And I would've voted for it had it not lost momentum near the end.

It was like this movie I once saw with Ben Affleck...it was based on a Tom Clancy novel...the sum of all fears. There was a huge build-up in this movie. Tension growing...bad people having nukes etc...and then nothing happened. They all just made friends and held hands. I felt so ripped off after that movie. And I hated Ben Affleck even more.

But yeah...good start to the poem, but it was all filler with no killer.
Poem 4: It's a good idea. But the presentation for it sucks. The delivery just isn't there.
A day in your head: That whole repurposed thing comes up again. I raise my eyebrow at the dropping of French lines, along with spelling "your" as "ur", and move on...
Poem 6: Seems like a mix between writing a profound poem, and throwing a rap together which inevitably hampers its delivery. It reminds me of my nephew's sticky hands. It needs to be washed.
Wish you stayed a little longer: Some stanza's are lame and it's terribly cliche. Still it works. I don't know why...but it does. I gave it my vote. But I'll say this: It's only the best because nothing else is better.
Poem #8: Honestly? It's boring. Bad grammar didn't help either.
Poem #9: It's novelty is that it fits into each other. It's ok...but not for this competition.

[NaseehaMan]

I think you're biased against raps dude.

[abu_bakr]

i thought 'et tu brutus' was latin.

BTW it's not my poem

[Ibn El-Sheikh]

I think you're biased against raps dude.

I'm biased against things that suck.

i thought 'et tu brutus' was latin.

BTW it's not my poem

It's from Shakespeare right? I was going to say something along the lines of "I raise my eyebrow at how someone can be versed in Shakespeare and yet spell 'your' as 'ur'." But I remembered that they force you to read his books in high school.

Anyways, it works in French too.

[NaseehaMan]

Rapping is so much better than poetry dude. Like, totally narley.

[jondallah]

i voted the wrong one!:(
i wanted 7 not 8!.

[Prof]

I changed the numbers in the poll to reflect that.

[jondallah]

allahijazeek

[Shamz79]

Clue: Only one person voted for Shamz's poem.

I feel so embarrased :(

[Shamz79]

ok 8 was funny, but this aint no clown contest

so i vote for 9

coz its in a shape of a mountain

i like the way its set

i wonders whoz it is

hmmmmmmm..........thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkking!!

That one wasn't mine...I'm still on one vote :bawling:

[Shamz79]

assalam alaikum,
I have a feeling #6 is Shamz....don't know why:huh: , I guess the way it sounds.

Good call...I've got two here, can you guess the other one I wrote?

[Shamz79]

I think prof is disheartened by the lack of interest in this contest, so though it may be better judgement to refrain, I will do what I always do and ignore better judgement.


I don't understand we you feel theres a need to rip people down...ok, everyone knows mashaAllah you can write good poems...cool, no one is hating so why you hating on other peeps work.

I'm sure you suck at stuff to...you want some to point it out :crazy: STUPID

[heartsofgreenbirds]

salam

I think we need to calm down, there is no need to be talking like this.

Wassalam

Ysf

[alqudslenna]

Good call...I've got two here, can you guess the other one I wrote?

assalam alaikum,
I'm probably wrong, but is it #8?

[NaseehaMan]

I don't understand we you feel theres a need to rip people down...ok, everyone knows mashaAllah you can write good poems...cool, no one is hating so why you hating on other peeps work.
Actually, I've always felt differently about Ibby's poems. Hmmm... what's the word I'm lookin' for... ah yes, they suck.

[Shamz79]

:huh: Looks like the person who wrote " Wish u had stayed a little longer " is in the lead.;)

Very Good...did you come up with this yourself or do you got a team of monkeys working on it

Mujaheedah_18 this was not personal I was just making a point that if we went around saying what we thought it would not be nice....cementing my point the Ibn had no right or reason to diss the poems that have been posted.

I had an arguement with some about weather it was ok or not

Prof and Editor leave this up...its to prove a point.

[Prof]

I will leave it up just so you will know that you shot yourself in the foot.

[Shamz79]

how did I shoot myself in the foot

[Prof]

This message has been deleted by Mujaheedah_18. Reason: I'll be nice
You missed the bullet, Shamz. Maybe next time.

[caramel]

I think Ibnelsheik offered constructive criticism in most of his critique.

He didn't say: "IT ****ING SUCKS, DON'T WRITE **** LIKE THAT AGAIN"
That's not constructive criticism

[Shamz79]

You missed the bullet, Shamz. Maybe next time.

I'm bullet Proof:crazy:

[abu_bakr]

So, prof, are you going to tell us which brother/sister is the winner?

I'm guessing you, Prof, wrote 'Wish you had stayed a little longer...' because it was the only one with any formatting, i.e. italics, or am I just plain wrong?

And when's contest #2?

[abu_bakr]

To get a more absolute winner, maybe we need to have smaller contests or have some sort of rating system, where each member rates each poem out of 10 or something. or is that going overboard?

[Prof]

I was thinking next time of having people vote for as many as they like, then having something like a finals round where people pick out of the best 2-3. I do not know if that will make things better. Either way, 23 votes is disappointing.

I think I will allow people to claim their own poems.